The Bronzed Blonde

Sunbathing is normally a pretty solitary experience for me. Or at least it used to be that way before I started sunbathing in my new leapord mesh bikini, and traffic on our little Farm to Market Road increased dramitically. I don't know if the two things are connected. But I did wonder the other day when I was doing a little sun bathing in the front and and this dude in an oil field truck went by. I swear the way his head snapped round as he went past, I thought that poor ol' boy was going to break his neck.  About fifteen minutes later five more oil field pick up trucks went down the road. One about every two or three minutes. And they seemed to be driving past my place real slow. By then I had moved around to the back where I couldn't be seen by passing motorist. I could hear those trucks driving real slow past the place though. I will always wonder if that guy in the first truck called all his buddies and alerted them as to what was happening out here in the middle of nowhere.

Another reason I had moved around the back and out of the sight of passing motorists is because I didn't want to get mistaken for an oil field UFO.  See, out here in the oil patch, a lot of these good old boys believe that if you are driving along, and you see an object laying around that you just know you are going to be able to use one day, and if that object isn't nailed down or guarded, then that object is a gift from God. You are suppose to take that object as a sign of favor from above. These objects are known as UFOs. Useful Found Objects. Once they are safely in the hands of the lucky finder they become MFOs. My F*cking Objects. 

But I really don't think it was the sight of my not so voluptuous body that caused that guy in that first truck to nearly break his neck. These guys get used to seeing a lot of strange sights along these country roads. But nearly nude blondes are not something I think they would see, like, on a daily basis. No. I think it was just coming across an unanticipated, nearly nude blonde,  that caused that classic double take. He probably wouldn't have given me a second glance if I had had more clothes on.

Because the safest way a light complexioned blonde can get a good tan without looking like something that should be on a lobster menu, is to do so in short sessions, I have been spending thirty minutes on my stomach and thirty minutes on my back each day. Now why do those positions and time spans seem familiar? Anyway, I try to spend one hour in the morning and one hour in the late afternoon working on my tan. Because of this, I think my neighbor down the road the road has come to believe I never do anything but lay around half naked. That is not true. It just looks that way because he always happens to drive by in the one hour I am outside. Morning and Afternoon.

I must say I am proud of my achievement though. I have actually managed to get a nice tan. Just to be on the safe side though, I am going to start doing my sunbathing around back and out of sight. Larry would be mad as hell if someone mistook me for a UFO.

Now it’s time for some Silver Bullets & Froglegs