Grocery Shopping with Beyond

We were grocery shopping today when I saw some things that really made me stop and think.  It is really is amazing what you can find in a grocery store now.

The first thing I saw that caused me to do a mental double take was a bottle of Bar-B-Q sauce made by one of our more well known crimson necked comics.  I picked up the bottle, took it over and showed it to Larry and said, "Hey!, if I ever get syndicated we need to come up with our own Bar-B-Q Sauce!"  Then I took the bottle of Bar-B-Q sauce and put it back where I found it.  I'm a Heinz fan myself.

Then I went in search of hot dog buns.  I found a stack of bakery trays with various kinds of buns in them.  But there was one lot of hot dog buns that were decidedly peculiar.  First of all they were awfully long buns.  I thought of foot long hot dogs, but to be honest, the buns looked well over a foot in length to me.  And I 'm a pretty fair judge of how long things really are.  Especially things that are 12" and shorter.

The second peculiar thing about these buns was the fact that they had "Hamburger Buns" imprinted on the package.  I can't help but wonder what was going on at the bakery the night these buns came out of the oven.

Over in the pet supplies section I saw a nifty gadget  the yuppies are going to be panting over.  It is a tick remover.  Yeah, they have invented a gadget that will remove the ticks from your hound, without you getting your fingers bloody.  It looks like a little round plastic spoon with a tiny V and a slit cut into the spoon part.  In all honesty though, if I was that queasy about touching a tick, I would just buy a monkey and let him groom the dogs.

Of course the Decks use that high tech stuff that only takes a couple of drops, and keeps the ticks off your hounds for 30 days.  Providing your hounds don't do a lot of bathing and/or swimming, it works pretty good.  And country folk like us don't mind getting our fingers a little bloody when necessary.

On the way home I began to think about how I wanted to package and market my brand of Bar-B-Q Sauce.  I'm thinking of calling it Bar-B-Q Sauce From Beyond.  With a blurb that says, "The sauce that gets Beyond Hot.  Put a little of this on your wienie, and you'll really make her mouth water!"  This sauce should be real popular among some men I know.

I also want a bottle that is shaped like a well stacked babe.  The label will look like my leopard mesh bikini.  I'll probably have to hang the name and blurb on a sign around the neck of the bottle though, there won't be enough of the label to fit any writing on.  And I don't want a glass bottle.  I want a soft squeeze bottle.  I figure when they are through with the sauce, certain folks I know can peel the label off and use the bottle as an erotic toy.

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