Hey! You knotheaded aliens listen up!

I was watching a recent Sightings program to catch up on the latest in alien sightings and close encounters, when it occurred to me that I was not impressed with the aliens current choice of subjects to abduct and examine. The aliens are apparently abducting and performing intensive examinations on innocent bystanders all over the world.
It seems some of the menfolk that have been abducted, have been subjected to intensive examinations which include being probed in a certain place that most men would rather not be probed in while laying helpless and under the control of some wide eyed little alien.

As I watched the program, I thought of all the men I know that could really benefit from such an intensive examination though, and I couldn't help but become even more disgusted with the choice of folks the aliens are currently abducting, and subjecting to such examinations.
After the show I even went so far as to go outside and yell a few helpful hints to the sky, on the off chance the aliens might be watching me, even as I had been watching a show about them. If you live out in the middle of nowhere, and gradually get family members living with you accustomed to such behavior, you can do this kind of thing without having men in white coats immediately show up on your doorstep. If you are really bent like a corkscrew though, you write about it and simply assert you were conducting research for an article, should the men in white coats turn up on your doorstep.
I began my conversation to any aliens that might be listening by loudly exclaiming to the apparently empty sky, "Hey! You knot headed aliens listen up! I know some two legged varmints you little wide eyed dudes need to be examining!" I then began to point out the various benefits of abducting and intensely examining a few two legged varmints I knew.

I explained how I honestly could not think of any subjects that would be more interesting to, and deserving of, a really thorough alien examination, than the ones I had in mind for them . "They are positively perfect examples of de-evolution in action!" I cheerfully told the apparently empty sky. And I pointed out to any aliens that might be listening, that they would be doing humanity a favor should they decide to thoroughly examine these individuals.

Well the tour is now over. If you enjoyed it, check the rest of my website :)