Beyond Blonde

Don't Slap Her! Hand Her A Vibrator

According to a story I once read online entitled, Vibrators Used to Relieve "Hysteria", the 1899 edition of the Merck Manual, a reference guide for physicians, hysteria can be treated by manual or electromechanical massage.

This piece of valuable medical information left Morris and I so stunned, that for a moment you would have thought our computer screen a pair of oncoming truck lights, and the muse and I a couple of wide eyed does caught in their beams.  Suddenly regaining his composure, Morris lept into the air, did a backwards triple somersault, and as he landed on my shoulder again, said, "Kewl Beaners BB, next time a woman gets hysterical around me, instead of slapping her, I'll  give her a manual massage, or hand her a vibrator.  She may still be moaning and screaming before we're through, but at lease she'll be over her hysterics! And will holding a vibrator under her nose, bring an unconscious blonde around, like holding a bottle of smelling salts under her nose does?"

I thought about what my little muse had said for a few seconds, then replied, "Maybe, but it will never replace CPR completely. And you know something, this information should have been made more public back in 1899 when that Merck Manual first came out!  It would have saved a hell of a lot of women from getting slapped over the years! I mean, think about it!  All these years, instead of promoting good vibrations like they should have been, the damn movies have been promoting violence against hysterical women."

And by golly! I think it is time we women put a stop to the film industry promoting violence against hysterical women the way it does.  We women should all join together, and with vibrators in hand, stand up for ourselves, and demand that scenes in movies and television programs showing men slapping women for getting hysterical, be replaced by scenes showing men handing hysterical women vibrators instead of slapping them.

And oooooh boy wouldn't a move like that on our part really put the Christian Coalition's panties into a big wad!  Look on the bright side though, perhaps those religious nuts will get so busy trying to put a stop to our 'good vibrations' movement, they won't have time to hassle Tinky Winky about the shape of his antenna and lousy color coordinating abilities.  And maybe we will get REALLY lucky, and they will be so busy trying to stop the 'good vibrations' movement, they won't have time to write letters demanding that 'HC' ratings be placed on shows with homosexual content.  Though Morris claims that they can't stop this movement because manual or electromechanical massages, given under these circumstances, does NOT count as sex, sin, or self-indulgence, since it would be done strictly for medicinal purposes only.  Personally, I wish the Christian Coalition would put down those bibles they keep thumping, take the Merck Manual's advice, and go give themselves a good manual, or electromechanical, massage.  Even if it doesn't cure their bible thumping hysteria, maybe it will keep them occupied, and out of our hair for awhile.